Popular Christmas movies would have you believe that Santa’s biggest problem is people who stop believing. (See Miracle on 34th Street, The Year Without a Santa Claus, Elf, etc.) But today it’s the believers who are causing Saint Nick so much grief. When announcing on Friday that role models have an obligation to promote healthy lifestyles, U.S. Surgeon General Steven Galson explained to the Boston Herald: “Santa is no different.”

But Santa is different. For starters, he’s not ... well, you know ... [Ed.: “Hey! My kids read this!] 

Galson’s comment is merely one in a long string of outrageous accusations by health officials that show just how far removed from reality the anti-fat movement has become. Each preposterous claim seeks to place the blame for obesity on anyone other than ourselves.

Attacks on Santa highlight the absurdity and hypocrisy of many nutrition zealots. Over the years, food cops have lobbied for warning labels on milk, chips, menus, salt, and countless other foods. But now, that’s precisely the notion they’re arguing against. On the Fox News Channel this weekend, publicist-turned-food-cop Meme Roth commented on one soft-drink company’s use of Saint Nick on soda packaging: “I see a warning label. Drink this, and look how your body will look.” 

Roth claims the time-honored tubbiness of Father Christmas sets a bad example: “We're talking morbid obesity, which is not jolly.” Take her comments with a grain of government-rationed salt: Roth previously grouped voluptuous singer Jordan Sparks and wives too big for their wedding dresses into the same fat-and-unjolly category. But as recent studies demonstrate, Americans who carry a few extra pounds have the lowest mortality of any weight group.

Just look at Kris Kringle. He's beaten the average life expectancy by over a thousand years without the help of Grinch-like food regulations.