As the anti-meat fringe slowly merges with the environmental movement, it’s always refreshing to find a dose of reality among the grand promises of green-living devotees who swear – swear! – they’d do just about anything to save the planet. Today we turn to Evansville, Indiana, where Courier & Press columnist Mark Wilson writes about a press release he received from animal rights activists at The Humane Society of the United States (HSUS) and the makers of Tofurky (the only food HSUS endorses). Their idea is to persuade people to “reduce their impact on global warming by eating vegetarian foods at least once a week.”

Writes Wilson:

I can’t help but suspect that the main purpose of this campaign is to sell more meatless foods. That’s cool, if you are into that. I have to say right now though that I’d rather give up driving entirely than live without meat … The amount of greenhouse gas emissions reduced by going meatless just one day a week is equal to the amount released by driving 16.5 miles in a car that averages 20 miles per gallon, according to this release. I have no way of knowing if that is true. But I do know that I’d rather walk 16.5 miles one day a week than eat tofu.

Lighten up, Mark. The secret to making tofu taste good is to wrap it in bacon. It’s really not half bad that way.